just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
