i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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