I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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