Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize