I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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