She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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