dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
