Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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