Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
