Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
