can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
