i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
