OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
