I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
