We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize