im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
