I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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