you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
