Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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