I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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