he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize