i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
4 words: hood of his car
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
