At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
