Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
