Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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