I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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