remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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