I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
