the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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