you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Are we still banned from the library?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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