Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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