Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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