wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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