The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
