I am spending my child support on dildos
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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