you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
