your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize