he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
