She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
