I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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