Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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