My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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