I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
