So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
