No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
