he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
