holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
