Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
