put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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