I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
