How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
