ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
