The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
