allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
