you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
