Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
