Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
