So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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