my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
