Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
