I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
