he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
