Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
