I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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