Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize